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The recipe said “Set the oven to 180 degrees,” so I did, but now I can’t open it because the door faces the wall.
OK. So I danced like no one was watching. Anyone know a good lawyer?
I bet Jellyfish are sad that there are no Peanut Butter fish.
I’ll drink responsibly when there is a brand of vodka named Responsibly.
I don’t want to go to work. There are people there.
Called AA by mistake. Those drunks can`t change a tire for sh*t.
My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That’s almost $21.00 in dog money.
I keep graphic, full frontal nude pictures of myself on my cell phone in case anyone ever hacks it. That`ll teach `em.
The only thing I ever throwback on Thursdays are drinks
You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket .. I´d miss you alot and think of you often.
The trouble with bucket seats is that, not everybody has the same size bucket.
I do not argue, I explain why I’m right.
Thank god that racist basketball guy showed up or we`d still be talking about how we`re not finding that airplane.
my husband of 10 years still goes mad when I use his toothbrush, if anyone knows a better way to get dog poo off shoes, im all ears
Sleep is my drug, my bed is my dealer, and my alarm clock is police.