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I’m beginning to believe that successful relationships come down to Netflix compatibility.
“Nevermind.” Translation: You should’ve listened the first time.
Sorry I referred to your baby shower as a gift extortion party.
Someone needs to take a chain saw to your family tree.
When someone says to me great minds think alike, I just look at them and think “you dirty bastard”.
If you smoke after sex, you`re doing it to fast.
Laugh at your problems, everybody else does
You heard me right. I said:"Lets agree to disagree." It`s much more polite than:"Whatever, bitch."
Don`t feel bad, alot of people don`t have talent either
I think I speak for everyone here when I say "I haven`t the slightest idea as to where my life is headed"
I haven`t seen any new episodes of Gilligan`s Island in awhile... I hope they`re OK.
I painted a banner for our annual family picnic, but my Mom thought "Celebrating 100 Years of Undiagnosed Mental Illness" was inappropriate.
Pay no attention to the pizza being delivered to the bush outside your bedroom window.
Follow your dreams. Unless it’s a person ... apparently they call that stalking.
Im switching some friends from my Facebook account to my Fakebook account.