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some people just need a high-five......in the face......with a chair!
If you see anything posted from me that involves something normal or appropriate, it is not me. I believe I`ve been hacked.
My Doctor says I`m a serious alcoholic, but I think I`m more of a funny alcoholic.
It`s not stretching if it doesn`t involve crazy dinosaur noises.
Types of like on facebook: 1.Stalker like. 2.Crush like. 3.I wanna bang you like. 4.Agree like 5.Pity like.
Wow!!, What a day..I volunteered at a soup kitchen, mowed my lawn, went to 2 Birthday parties, ran 6 miles, then told a bunch of lies on Facebook.
Why does life keep teaching me lessons I have no desire to learn?
I`m just doing what the beer tells me to.
If watching the big-screen TV with your pants off and a bag of Doritos is wrong, then they shouldn’t have couches at this Best Buy
I just spent an hour at the gym. I couldn’t find a close enough parking spot so I left.
Who wants to do something we will regret in the morning? Anyone?
Sometimes I meet people and feel sorry for their dog.
My mind has a mind of its own.
My favorite part of a marathon is watching the reaction of runners who grab my plastic cup of vodka.
I don`t get my neighbor. tells me to make my self at home but then gets pissed off when they come into the kitchen and I`m in my underwear making a sandwich.