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People who don`t know what they want should not use the drive thru!
Life is full of disappointments, I`ll just add you to the list.
I hate mixed messages. They`re great.
If anyone has ever told you that you snore, just know that person has very carefully weighed the pros and cons of letting you live.
My girlfriend just accused me of being unfaithful. I told her that is ridiculous and that she is starting to sound like my wife.
I believe in helping the homeless. That`s why every year I buy a new refrigerator and throw away the box.
I made it halfway to Mexico before I realized that those sirens were just coming from the song on my radio.
When one door closes, another opens ... I had a Chevette that was like that.
He who laughs last didn´t get it.
I`m sending a whole bunch of emails to random Nigerians letting them know they`ve won the Canadian lottery.
Always envied the kids who showed up to school with their 64 count Crayola crayons. If I wanted Burgundy or Salmon I had to ask in shame.
I`ll tell you what`s wrong with modern society. Nobody ever drinks out of the skulls of their enemies anymore.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how likely is it that your dumbass will say 11?
If I ever get to an age where the music from the ice cream truck doesn`t make me excited, pull the plug.
"I can`t wait to have you inside me," I whispered softly to my dinner.