Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
How is it possible that we have one hand that can do everything while the other hand is all, “I can’t even hold a pencil”?
Thanks to Facebook i now know what everyones bathroom looks like.
I found a bottle of vodka under my bed, skittles under my pillow, & boxes of noodles in my closet. I`m like a fcuking alcoholic squirrel.
I’m considering becoming a mind reader ... What are your thoughts?
I bet blind people think farts are funnier than deaf people.
OMG! I just discovered that if I align them JUST right, that I can make your boobs stand straight up (just like the broom trick)! Message me for an appointment! ;)
People I hate are not allowed to be funny.
Judging from the bar receipts, ATM withdraws, hand stamps, and the glitter in my car, I now realize I`m a ball of fun when I black out.
The older I get the more use I have for the phrase "bite me."
How do you spot a blind man at a nude beach? It`s not hard.
After joining Facebook, my TV became radio.
My alarm clock is clearly jelouse of my amazing relationship with my bed.
HR have advised that I’m not allowed to ask my chubby co-workers if they ate my missing stapler.
I get paid to be nice at work. Not sure why my family and friends expect that for free.
I just had Déjà vu...and you were an asshole both times.