Daily Silly Status

Not sure what`s longer. A microwave minute or a treadmill minute.

Life would be so much better if there were piñatas strategically placed throughout my day.

I wish I could google the things I’ve misplaced.

Why do cops ask us why we think they pulled us over? It`s their job. I dont go to the station and ask why they think I created a powerpoint.

I hate it when people rub things in my face... unless it`s two boobs.

In terms of procrastination, I`ve had a very productive day.

Sorry, but breaking up with you on facebook was the best way of letting all your friends know I`m available.

Of course size matters. No one wants a small pizza.

I hear there is scientific proof that birthdays are good for you... the more you have the longer you live.

F is for friends who do stuff without you.

I`ve decided that from now on I`m going to answer every question like a presidential candidate. It`s kind of fun... "Dean, what are you doing this weekend?" "That`s a great question -- and an important one. And I WILL do something this weekend. But let me take a step back, and answer a broader question. What are we ALL doing this weekend? As a nation? As a world? This weekend, I will do something comprehensive and robust, yet fun. We all should." "But what are you doing?" "What I`m g

Pandora has taught me that a lot of the music I love is very similar to music I absolutely hate

I don`t care how loud I`m laughing, I`m having fun and you`re not.

Go to police station 2. Say a gang mugged you 3. Describe your own relatives to police sketch artist 4. Claim free family portrait

I pulled my wife`s panties to the side.......then put the rest of her socks in the drawer.