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What`s the lowest IQ someone can have while still being a relatively full functioning adult? My wife wants to know.
If I have offended you, hurt you, belittled you in any manner, then I want you to know that I was only just getting started.
Imagine how freaked out the first human must of been on the first sneeze.
It`s a beautiful Spring day to get outside and stare at your phone.
Man, those 2013 Mayan Calenders are REALLY hard to find...
If my kids knew there was a light in the oven, they`d leave that one on too.
Who has time to monitor followers/unfollowers? I can barely keep track of my kids and I only have 1 of those ... Wait ... Two. I have 2 kids.
I keep graphic, full frontal nude pictures of myself on my cell phone in case anyone ever hacks it. That`ll teach `em.
In hell you`re always trying to spread butter that`s too cold.
In a parallel universe calories are trying to burn people.
Some people are like eye-candy... I`m more like eye-meatloaf.
A court date is still technically a date, right?
An apple a day will keep anyone away ... if thrown hard enough.
I think they put less beers in twelve packs these days.
I’ve thought about it, and there still is no good reason for me to grow up.