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I swear I just go to the strip club for the music.
My dad said if I don`t get of facebook in 3 seconds he would jab my face into the keyboahajsirksjapquebxm
I`d try Taco Bell`s breakfast but I don`t start drinking that early.
Just so we’re on the same page, I’m on 43.
To clear a pop-up ad online, I was just forced to agree that "I don`t care about being healthy and smelling clean."
why would i ever pay to go to a nascar event when i could get drunk beside the interstate and cheer for cars for free
The human race is the only one that lets its idiots live a full life...
The worst part about being single is always doing what I want. Anytime. Anywhere. With whomever. That sucks.
I don’t have a bad handwriting, I have my own font.
When I think of a selfie, I`m not sure it`s the same thing you`re thinking of
why don`t we get discounts for ringing up our own groceries in self checkout?
Thanks, autocorrect. I`m sure she`s dying to know about my huge peninsula.
B!tch Please, your only fan is the one on your ceiling.
Who can really hear themselves thinking?
Whether a Vacuum is on or off, it`s always collecting dust.