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My New Years Resolution is to be less vain. It`s going to be difficult though, considering how sexy I am.
When my husband gives me shit for taking too long to get ready, I remind him that you never know when you`ll meet the man of your dreams.
Technology is outpacing my ability to come up with convincing lies that I didn`t get your message.
It’s my favorite time of the day: How long can I stare directly at my monitor and do absolutely nothing o’clock.
I remember when going viral meant having to tell several people they better get tested.
There is a method to my madness….and as soon as I figure out what the hell it is, I’m gonna be friggin’ unstoppable
I wouldn`t pay for a personal trainer, but I would pay someone to just knock unhealthy food out of my hands.
Today is national I don`t feel like doing sh!t today. Celebrate accordingly.
Keep reaching for the stars but please get a better deodorant.
I never fail to win at Rock, Paper, Scissors when I pick up the other person and throw them out the window.
I`ve found a new coping mechanism....................COOKIES!
99% of people in this world are stupid, luckily I`m in the other 2%
Hibernation should be a human thing too.
Whenever I fill out a job application with a box for "Race," I add a question mark and then write, "Anytime. Anywhere."
I find it quite ironic that the most dangerous thing about weed is getting caught with it.