Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I have decided to stop doing things "Like a Boss" and will now do things "Like a Rhinestone Cowboy."
My bed has no frame and sits directly on the floor because under-bed monsters are just one less thing I have to worry about now.
off to bed...evil schemes don`t dream themselves up.
Take my advice, I don’t use it anyway.
Let me check my giveashitmeter ... nope nothing.
It`s going to be so disappointing if we ever ask aliens about crop circles and they`re just like, "We really hate corn."
I guess I’ll take my Christmas tree down today.
Just washed my car with the squeegee at the gas station.
Sometimes when it rains I go outside with a cocktail umbrella and pretend I`m a Giant.
The toughest thing in business is minding your own.
If you really want to know how she feels about you, get her drunk & then piss her off.
DiGiorno should start delivering, just to screw with people.
Keep your friends close and your enemies tied to a train track.
Please be careful on the roads. Lots of people are drinking exsessively and letting their wives drive.
I just made my first snow angel!! ... Ok fine.. I got bored, got drunk and then passed out in the snow, whatever!