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It is days like today that I am glad that we all don`t live in a Yellow Submarine. Well at least not in the same one.
Think before you yell at your kids. They are the ones who might have to bring you toilet paper in 20 minutes.
When someone says to me great minds think alike, I just look at them and think “you dirty bastard”.
My wife sure is picky for someone who married me.
I don’t need a reason to do stupid things, just a venue.
Working from home and HR already cited me for sexual misconduct.
Sorry to burst your bubble, but your waiter doesn`t really think your choice was excellent.
There is always light at the end of the tunnel. It might be a train or a truck so dont let it hit you.
I got in touch with my musculine side today - laying on the couch all day, eating gross food, playing games...
Good for you, people that do things.
I’m back on my feet again!! Wait, false alarm the remote is right here.
Those beards make the Red Sox look like they`re going to a Civil War reenactment as Confederates.
When Miley is naked & licks a hammer it’s “art” & “music” ... but when I do it, I`m “wasted” & “have to leave Home Depot"
I always learn from the mistake of others who take my advice.
Sometimes, when my husband has a day off, I like to bring the TV remote with me to work.