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I want to spend the rest of my life photo bombing the Google street view camera shots dressed as Waldo.
Life can be like Chess sometimes. I don`t know how to play Chess.
I try to live my life by the saying: “You scratch my back and I’ll let you know when to stop.”
My arm fell asleep, which is understandable, considering how boring the rest of my body has been.
If I have ten pieces of bacon and you take five pieces, what do you have? Thats right., A black eye and a broken hand!
I’m “had to actually call a girl on the home phone to ask her out while hoping my mom didn’t pick up and start dialing” years old.
Single ? I`m not single, I`m in a long standin relationship with fun and freedom ! ;)
Teamwork means never having to take all the blame yourself.
Hillybilly Word Of The Day.."Twerk"..."Welp, I`m done with lunch so I`d better get back twerk!"
If you ever get caught sleeping during work, just slowly raise your hand and say "In Jesus name I pray, Amen."
Today I am thankful that I don`t post what I am thankful for on Facebook, every day in November. Or ever.
Of course everyone deserves a 2nd chance, but I gave yours to someone else.
I`d rather SH!T in my hands and clap!
Do you think all the giraffes sit around and watch Margaret in Nebraska give birth?
I cringe when teens brag about taking girls to pound town because adopting a puppy together is a huge responsibility.