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take me drunk i`m home
I realized that at my income level "Wealth Management" really just means re-organizing the money in my wallet by denomination.
Know the rules well so you can break them effectively.
I walked into the bar sober with $42 & walked out drunk with $42. But you`re right fellas, men are smarter than women.
When a couple asks me for directions,I know that the wife is forcing the guy to ask.That`s why I give them wrong ones to teach her a lesson.
It`s so hot I have my air condition set on bankruptcy.
I have enough leftover Halloween candy to get me to leftover Valentine`s Day candy time.
Can you do me a favour? Stand in front of my car, I need to test my brakes.
Since it is the day to give thanks, I would like to say once again...you`re welcome.
Give a man a jacket, and he will stay warm when he goes outside. Teach a man to jack it, and he won`t go outside at all.
Knock knock... whos there? Cows go... Cows go who, No, cows go moo
Taught a man how to buy fish ... So much easier.
Rich people have rehab. Poor people have jail.
It`s nice that my vacuum has a headlight just in case I want to clean in the dark or wake my dog up thinking he`s getting hit by a train.
scientific fact: never tell a woman she`s crazy unless you want to see crazy.