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I`m gonna open a bar and name it Rehab.....
I often fantasize about lying naked in bed, surrounded by various bags of chips and I have octopus arms so I can eat all the chips at once.
Todays Relationships: You can touch each other but not each others phones.
By the time someone says something in the meeting worth writing down, I`ve likely already taken my pen apart and lost the spring.
I think I have a serious problem---Today I was reading the newspaper and found myself looking for the "Like" button.
My neighbor thinks I`m crazy and that I`ve been stalking her. well at least that`s what her diary says.
You just dont know how dumb you are until you get a little smarter
30+ and single? There`s an app for that. Wait. My mistake. A cat for that.
You say Iām dirty minded, but how did you understand what I meant?
I talk to myself because my answers are the only ones I accept
Don`t pick on Aquaman! The crime rate underwater is pretty damn low the last time I checked.
You would be amazed how cheap lawn mowers are at Home Depot when you own a pickup truck and a orange apron.
Another funny thing about this status is when you finally realize that it talks about nothing? its all ready too late to stop reading. lol
I may not be the smartest guy in the world, or the richest guy in the world, or the best looking guy in the world, but.... Oh, hell. Now I`m depressed.
In heaven, the Cheez-Its are salted on both sides.