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Somewhere someone`s therapist knows you.
Mosquito (noun) - Mother Nature`s way of getting you to slap yourself.
Sometimes it’s the little victories, like depositing a dollar to avoid overdraw fees that make me feel like a responsible adult.
Music is best when it’s louder than I can think.
My advice for pretty much anything that`s broken is "did you try and jiggle it?".
All I`m saying is, I`ve never seen my ex and Satan in the same room together.
I pretend I don`t care but deep down I really still don`t care.
What makes fancy green beans fancy?
If one teacher cannot teach every subject, then how come one student is expected to learn all the subjects.
I bet the guy that was looking forward to his next life and came back reincarnated as me is really disappointed.
Just once I`d like a doctor to tell me I`m not getting enough beer in my diet.
Black, white, gay, straight, Christian, Jewish... It doesn`t matter. It`s all good. But a Pepsi drinker...
I try not to limit my madness to March.
Just got back from the car dealership and long story short, I`m now the proud owner of a giant circus tent.
I was wondering why some couples don`t go to the gym together but I guess some relationships just don`t work out...