Mobile App Coming Soon - Daily Silly Status

Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

I love that sound you make when you shut the hell up.
You say peeping tom. I say highly active member of the neighborhood watch.
All the noises I used to make during sex, I now make getting up in my truck.
Walked into the kitchen for orange juice; walk out with sandwich, crackers, chocolate milk, and the TV remote I lost 30 minutes ago
I was born to make mistakes, not to fake perfection.
I pretend I don`t care but deep down I really still don`t care.
My 2017 resolution is to stop thinking so much about the future.
The only time I proof read is to see how much alcohol comes in a bottle.
β€œLet’s hang out sometime.” - liars
I told my girlfriend I`m Harry Potter`s Godfather... She laughed hard and said "you can`t be Sirius"
my mom and I have so much in common..she doesn`t listen and niether do I :p
My neighbors complained that I never mow my lawn. So I started mowing. The cops showed up at 3 a.m.. These neighbors are never happy...
You know you are in trouble when your mom screams your whole name.
Man, the first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.
I think they put less beers in twelve packs these days.