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That awkward moment when im in the Airport, I walk through the metal detector, and my abs of steel set it off
I may have just inadvertently accomplished something.
My bank statement is just a visual record of bad decisions
I should start carrying a pool noodle in my car and randomly smack cars when stuck in traffic
I`m convinced some people got married just so they could gripe about being married...
To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes a great Subway sandwich.
Hey Gotham City criminals, why isn’t the first thing on your to-do list “Unplug the Bat Signal”?
Any person can be nice to my face, but it takes a real friend to be nice behind my back.
One day I hope to understand the phrase "more money, more problems"
Forgets to set alarm, wakes up 3 days later.
I liked your facebook update, only so I can unlike it.
You can either be right, or you can be the husband.
My girlfriend isn`t much of a wrestler but you should see her box!!
I like dressing in a red polo shirt then going to Target & being rude to costumers
I was going to give you a nasty look but I see you already have one!