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"I don`t know what the f*ck this tastes like." - first person to eat chicken.
I`m getting a mistletoe tramp stamp.
I`m 99.9% certain that every time a sock goes missing in the dryer, it comes back as an extra tupperware lid
99% sure my soulmate is a piece of pizza.
I don’t know if I have a stalker, but if I do, could you drop off some milk. Thanks.
I don`t hit the "Like" button on my own statuses because I am self-centered, it`s just that I amaze myself sometimes and I want to show my appreciation!!!!!!
Why,does facebook want to make the likes one gets on their status like a story,like:peter and 500 others like this,click and see james and 499 others like this............
My friend told me his girlfriend talks a lot in her sleep..Apparently "I know" was not the right answer...
If your girlfriend has $15 and you have $30, your girlfriend actually has $45.
Its weird how your entire day flashes before your eyes the moment you realize that your zipper has been down and you haven`t pissed in 8 hrs
So exactly what age will I stop falling over while trying to put on my underwear?
If by a blow job you mean blowing everything out of proportion then yes I totally rock at blow jobs.
Attention...my facebook page has been hacked. But everyone seems to like the new guy better, me too actually...so f**k it!
I hate it when I meow at cats and they don`t meow back. Unbelievably rude
The iPad: Because the iPhone was too small for other people to notice you.