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You Are The Reason My Middle Finger Was Created.
Bring multiple sets of clothes to work, change every hour, and act like nothing’s different.
Nothing good has ever come from answering a call from a blocked phone number.
Heard you like bad boys .... Well, I`m not trying to impress you or anything, but when Disney Channel asked me to go to their website with my parents permission, I didn`t ask my parents.
There are over 10 different flavors of Ramen Noodles, yet they all taste like poverty and loneliness.
The last 10 seconds of every voicemail my grandmother leaves me is her trying to hang up the phone.
If you really want someone to listen to you, start the conversation with "I shouldn`t be telling you this but ..."
I would rather lie there and accept death than try to get out of a hammock while anyone is watching me.
I forgot to post this earlier
Nobody pissed me off today... I got to get out more.
Never underestimate a woman`s ability to make you feel responsible and guilty for her mistakes.
The feeling you get when a woman asks you to guess her age is like wondering whether to cut the blue wire or the green wire when defusing a bomb.
My memory foam has amnesia
Golf is finally starting to pay off. I just signed a contract with Nike for a large sum of money in return for agreeing never to be seen playing with any of their equipment.
If Milli Vanilli were to fall in the woods, would someone else make a sound?