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My coworkers should be less concerned about my job performance and just be happy I remember to wear pants each day.
Ha = I didn`t find that funny. Haha = That was funny. Hahahahaha = I want to sleep with you.
"Dancing with the Stars" is being canceled, but tune in to a new reality show by the same creators called, "Athletes do your Taxes."
Has anyone EVER checked to see how the room or wall behind them looks before taking and posting 50 selfies?!
It’s all fun and games until they reply to your text with a phone call.
I wonder if the clouds ever look down on us and say "Hey look! ...that one`s shaped like an idiot!"?
Did you hear about the Cannibal that "passed" his Uncle in the Jungle?...............
I hate when my mom tells people I`m 503 months old.
Sea levels aren’t rising due to global warming. They are rising due to the increase in obesity. The continents are actually sinking…
If anyone ever tells you your dreams are silly, remember there`s a millionaire walking around that invented the pool noodle.
If you are what you eat then where is this place that a ton of people are eating stupid?
I`ve never done any mistake twice... three, four times may be!
Boy: "Life`s a bitch, so is my Girlfriend." Girlfriend: "Life`s short, so is his d!ck.
It`s never your successful friends posting inspirational quotes on Facebook.
Here`s where I draw the line: ___________________________.