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Just watched a woman in front of me walk face first into a telephone pole because she was too busy looking at her phone. I could’ve given her a heads up, but then I wouldn’t have been able to watch her walk face first into the telephone pole.
We still don`t know sh*t about that airplane. - NEWS
We can operate a robot on another planet, but yet I`m still struggling to get this vending machine to take my wrinkled dollar.
Saw a post stating "taking it one day at a time," so I responded "me too. That`s how days work."
I give 2 star movies 5 stars on Netflix because if I sat through this piece of sh!t, I want you to as well.
That son of a b*tch moment when you`re walking around the house with socks on and step on a random wet spot.
Legos are practice for when you get older & buy Ikea furniture
If a woman repeats what you just said in the form of a question, you`ll be dead soon.
You know its a bad day when your fat pants are tight :(
People are so predictable..I bet you`re even reading this status right now.
I hate when people stare at me and don’t say anything. I mean if you want an autograph or a picture just ask..!
I`ll always be here for you ... Unless we run out of beer, and someone has some over there. Then I`ll be over there for you.
She lost me at, "I don`t watch football."
Redneck`s famous last words: "Is that enough duck tape?"
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.