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Whoever named the seesaw probably didn’t get another chance to name stuff.
I shouldn`t have to work. People should just pay me for being awesome.
I don`t mind that my wife goes out to play bingo every night. It`s the coming back home part that bothers me.
This Donut-Scented Car Air Freshener will more than pay for itself next time I get pulled over.
The term "bath toys" has a whole new meaning when you`re an adult
Everybody values honesty, until they have an ugly baby.
Do crabs think we walk sideways?
Alcohol: Because no good story starts with “So this one time I was eating a salad….”
A boob job sounds like the best job in the world.
I think "Don`t Kid Yourself" would be a great brand name for birth control pills....
Why is it that most nudists are people you don`t want to see naked?
Boobs are like model trains. They were originally for children but grown men always want to play with them.
"I`m tired of you pushing me around and talking behind my back." ----people in wheelchairs probably
The real heroes are the people who live within driving distance of their in-laws.
One of the biggest decisions when you go to college is whether to join a fraternity or just be an asshole on your own.