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I bet the "YMCA" dance is a lot harder to do in different languages
Making an effort in the last of 2014 to cut away distractions so I can spend more time with my iPhone.
Is going to bed! Hopefully the Cleaning Fairies will come and clean my house tonight! Wishful Dreaming i guess!
"This is bullsh!t" - bull farmer giving barn tours
They say if the palm of your hand itches, you`re going to get something. And if your crouch itches, you`ve already got it.
She walked in & she had legs, legs that went on for days. Who knows where they went? They just kept wenting. - Why my mystery novel failed
The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you`re signing a cast.
Never realized how out of shape I was until I started sweating after using scissors for 30 seconds.
Why is there a Stairway to heaven and a highway to hell? There is a lot more traffic going to hell
Alcohol increases the Send Button size by 89%.
Whenever I give money to the homeless, I get yelled at that "they are just gonna buy booze with it". All I can think is ... Oh like I wasn`t ..
I want my tombstone to say "It didn`t make me stronger."
People be like: "Awe baby you make me so happy." But the second you break up they be like, "finally happy."
Ain`t no sandwich when she`s gone.
The only time I’ve passionately knocked everything off a table was when I was trying to make room for a pizza.