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Shhh...you had me at "alcohol may intensify effect..."
CAMPING TIP: If you get lost in the woods, a compass can help you get lost more North.
I`ve found if you tuck one part of a pants leg into your sock, people expect less of you.
What if in like 30 years they made a film about Leonardo DiCraprio and how he never won an Oscar…and the actor who played him got an Oscar.
"Three blind mice" is probably the most popular nursery rhyme about animal cruelty
If you`re stuck in a group text, one easy way to get out is to throw your phone in the ocean and start a new life.
Not quite feeling myself today. I`m going to see if booze helps...
Hey bill collectors, nice try, but I don`t even call back people I know.
I’ve noticed the less open-minded someone is, the more open-mouthed they tend to be.
I always stip to help women broke down. I don`t know sh!t about cars, but I do know how a good porn starts off.
The only stock options I have are chicken and beef.
No thank you, I don`t need a coaster. I won`t be putting my drink down.
I`m disgusted by the thought of people updating their status while sitting on the toilet like I am right now.
I’m on a forgotten-name basis with quite a lot of people.
My boss yelled at me yesterday "It`s the fifth time you`ve been late to work this week! Do you know what that means?!" I said, "Probably that it`s Friday?"…