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Finally figured out what women want...SECURITY!!!......(At least that`s what they all yell when I try to talk to them...)
Trail mix is just a reminder of how much better it would`ve been if I just ate a bag of M&M`s!
Nothing says "My life isn`t going exactly as I planned" quite like being at Wal Mart at 1am.
I`m pretty sure some of you just drag your face across the keyboard and hit send.
Radio Shack has stayed in business with a name combining something no one buys anymore and a type of building no one wants to go into.
u smile i smile u laugh i laugh u cry i`ll go get a bat and say who`s gonna get it
I am losing Facebook friends at an alarming rate. Whatever it is that I said, is working like a charm.
Never make eye contact while eating a banana
Sometimes I think my job is actually a hidden-camera game show where they see how much absurd bullshit I’ll put up with before I catch on.
You may think it`s bad grammar but I assure you it`s just laziness.
The filling in this fortune cookie tastes like paper...
It`s the weekend!!! The " Responsible Adult Button" has been switched to OFF!!
I`m a little ticked off, I checked a book about surgery out of the library and when I opened it up I found that someone had taken the appendix out
If your bf/gf tries to start a fight with you just say, "Please. Not during Toyotathon."
I`m at my most cardio when I am moving the treadmill into storage