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I`m going to be very disappointed if I go to England and nobody skips to the loo.
RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE: 3 fingers behind your phone, your pinky tucked under for support and your scrolling with your thumb! LIKE if I’m right
Is it "I febreezed my crotch" or "I febroze my crotch"?
I`m not fat, God gave me built in airbags because I`m so precious.
I know exactly how a bomb technician feels when I try to open a cup of cherry mixed fruit without the juice spraying out.
I have an irrational fear of speed bumps but, I’m slowly getting over it.
Since my ear surgery I haven`t heard from my doctor. Not sure if that`s a good thing or not.
Do you think regular dogs see police dogs and think, “Oh crap! It’s the cops!”?
I cant wait to show everyone at work my new cough
Don`t fall in love, learn how to ruin your life all by yourself.
If I have nosy neighbors, I always like to dig five 7 ft. x 3 ft. x 6 ft. holes in the back yard and every couple of days, Fill one in.
It`s funny how things change when you get older. It seems like just yesterday I would spend my evenings on the front porch and treat myself to some killer weed. Now I spend my
I bet kangaroos get drunk and find some ridiculous shit in their pouches in the morning.
Success is like a fart. It only bothers people when it`s not their own.
Welcome to fight club..., you may now kiss the bride.