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Anyone who says "Let`s all put our phones down and talk with each other," is just running out of battery and needs a charge.
Why didn`t you tell me that I wasn`t going to like you
The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you`re signing a cast.
That message felt like a great idea until I hit send.
Helpful Tip: Dont laugh when the cop says penal system ... oh and I need bail money again.
The early bird gets the worm. But the rest of the birds can get McGriddles until 10:30.
Hey,,,, I said I`d be there in 10 minutes... Quit calling me every half hour.
Naked and Afraid also describes the last time I spent a night at a Holiday Inn
If I’m going to sweep all of my problems under the rug, then I’m going to need a bigger rug.
Beautiful people are more beautiful when surrounded by ugly people
I wonder if I´ll ever be mature enough to use a stud finder without first pointing it at myself and saying "THERES ONE." -same guy, you`re british.
I was thinking about jumping on the Patriot`s Fan bandwagon, but I am afraid that the tires would be deflated...
No one should be surprised that so many statuses are about unhappiness and failure. You don’t end up on Facebook by making good life decisions.
Not to brag,,,, but legally,,, before something can be labeled "Idiot Proof",,, they have to run it by ME.
It`s always the rednecks that know all the inner most conspiracies of the government.