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Seriously, ladies. If you just stop sleeping with douchebags eventually their species will go extinct. Look at the big picture here.
Honey, your haters are imaginary. No one wants to be you. I promise.
Boss: Are you high? Me: You and I both know that I don`t make enough money to have a drug habit.
Beheaded our snowman to let winter know we mean business.
Getting out of bed was my worst mistake today.
Being rich doesn`t equal happiness but i`d rather cry in a ferrari
Imagine how fun Pringles would be if the cans were spring-loaded.
I never owned a telescope, but it`s something that I`m thinking of looking into.
It would be a lot easier to drink the recommended 64oz of water a day if it was beer.
If I would have known there would be a Facebook, I would have written "f*ck off forever" instead of "keep in touch" in your yearbook.
Capitalization can really change a sentence. Example: I love to eat candy ... I love to eat capitalization.
Today I saw a sign for a suicide helpline on the back of a bus. Wouldn`t it be a lot more helpful if it was on the front?
We all have that one friend who needs to learn how to whisper
Nobody looks back at their life and remembers the nights they got plenty of sleep.
What do horses eat? Hay. What do gay horses eat? Haaaayyyy!