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Sometimes, I use big words I don`t always fully understand in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.
Why isn’t “cheating” a relationship status on Facebook?
I`m not a Dr. or a Nutritionist, but I`m pretty sure the worst thing you can put into any high fat/ high calorie dish is your fork.
sometimes i look at people and think really, thats the sperm that won.
This headache feels like dumb people
I always say, "monring" instead of "good morning" because if it was a good morning, I`d still be in bed sleeping.
I wonder how often I’ve narrowly avoided death without even noticing.
There’s a good reason I’m up this late: because I have to wake up really early.
Two of the most honest people in the world; drunk people and little kids
For most things there’s MasterCard For everything else there’s Vodka
If you go for a jog and you don`t post it on Facebook, have you really jogged?
A show called the view shouldn`t hurt your eyes
I`m paying my taxes with a smile, but they wrote me back saying they want cash.
"We have HBO" - apparently still a bragging point in the motel industry.
“I don’t watch TV” proudly says a person who spends 8 hours a day on the internet.