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Showing cleavage doesn’t fix your face.
Did anyone hear the one about the cross dresser? The happiest day in his life was when he finally got into his girlfriend`s pants.
Back in my day, we had to remember phone numbers and give people directions and don`t get me started on the dinosaurs.
“Too much milk left need more cereal” always leads to “too much cereal need more milk”
Shark week is over, but I`m not taking my decorations down.
People who have more than 10 items in the express line… We see you and we are judging you.
Werewolves tend to transform only upon noticing a full moon already in the sky, implying the affliction is 100% psychological.
I was bitten by a mosquito last night. Bet that little bastard is pretty hung-over today
I eat my salad without dressing because who has time to put on clothes...
They`ll find Bigfoot before they find a Smoothie store that`s been open for more than 2 years.
If it wasn`t for physics and law enforcement, I`d be unstoppable.
I don`t care how loud I`m laughing, I`m having fun and you`re not.
ooooh boy, Mother`s Day hangovers...always the worst huh?!
What`s the opposite of wanting to hear about you doing crossfit? I`m that.
I love watching women`s beach volleyball. There have been two wrist injuries so far, but I should be ok by next week.