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Who says nothing is impossible. I´ve been doing nothing for years.
I don’t have an attitude problem… You have a problem with my attitude… That’s your problem, not mine.
Please say a prayer for my coworker. His life is so boring that he just Instagrammed his Jimmy Johns sandwich
There’s nothing better than a nap after a good nights sleep.
How did the person who invented the first clock know what time it was?
Some days, the best thing about my job is that the chair spins.
Now that "twerk" has been added to the dictionary, I can`t wait for a Spelling Bee judge to be asked to use it in a sentence.
"I have no idea. Why don`t you just Google it?" —My answer to just about every question I`m ever asked
If you have really strong opinions on subjects that you know very little about... then Facebook just may be the perfect thing for you.
Sad how some stick figures get stuck working the hangman game, while others get to have nice families on the back of SUVs
You make me feel "I`m-typing-this-with-my-middle-finger" angry.
I knew we would be the best of friends when you said drinks are on you
Relationships would be easier if people came with a "Clear History" button.
At least a stalker is there for you.
I feel like we really lowered our expectations of what constitutes magic when we began using it to describe markers