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A woman is quick to reject a man that lives with his mother, but will accept a man that lives with his wife.
Actually, The quickest way to fix that annoying noise in your car is ... Just open the door and push her out.
That urge you get to write “No one gives a crap” on someone’s status.
My top 5 exercises: -Jumping to conclusions -Flying off the handle -Carrying things too far -Dodging responsibilities -Pushing my luck
I was laying down, looking up at the stars while I was writing this post. Then it dawned on me; `Where the heck is the ceiling?`
Step 1 - Change your Wi-Fi password to "blowmefirst." Step 2 - Wait for someone to ask you for it.
I’m better at remembering people who have bad breath than important historical facts.
wants my 260 FB friends to know I love you all..except #193
I’ve already decided, if I ever go to The Price Is Right, I’m gonna “come on down” whether they call my name or not.
You`re never too old to be spanked ...If you play your cards right.
I don’t care if we don’t talk, your existence still pisses me off.
If you ever hit rock bottom, bring some beer. I`m almost out.
Ugh... Seriously? If I get ONE more sexual advance on facebook, that will be.. like... a first.
Once my ex knocked on my door & then shouted that it was her, so I texted “im not home” then seconds later I texted “if u happen to be here”
I could never trust a psychic who hasn`t won the lottery at least once.