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Another day where I`m not skinny, rich or famous. Getting real tired of this sh*t.
Advantage #46 of being single. I have entire closets that are completely empty.
Don`t forget: it`s very important what strangers on the Internet think about you.
The last time anything got banged on my bed, it was my little toe against the leg.
If I’ve learned anything in my twenty-two years on this earth, it’s that it’s okay to lie about your age.
Do you ever get the feeling that you’re being watched? Because if it’s bothering you, I’ll stop.
I live in constant fear that someone will kidnap my mother in law who lives all alone at 48 W Main St, bldg C, Apt 32 on the 3rd floor.
Destiny may decide who touches your Life. Your heart may decide who touches your Soul. But…Tequila decides who touches your body
Twinkle twinkle little star, I want to hit you with my car.
Claustrophobia is the fear of closed spaces. For example: I am going to the liquor store and I`m scared that it`s closed.
I’ve been really depressed these past few days. Finally visited a therapist and got diagnosed. Turns out, I’m poor.
Do you ever think if people heard our conversations they`d lock us up?
You think you love your family but suddenly there`s three of you and one remaining slice of pizza.
Why can`t insomnia start in the morning.
Adult movies now available in 3D?!? Some thing I just don`t want to see flying at my face.