Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I accidentally wore green today. And I probably will be drunk later but NOT because it`s St. Patrick`s Day, because it`s Monday.
They say swearing is due to limited vocabulary. I know thousands of words, but I still prefer`f*ck off` to `go away`.
Yankee Doodle went to town, riding on a pony; he stuck a feather in his hat, and called it macaroni… That folks, is what drugs do to you.
If you don`t pay your exorcist do you get repossessed?
My life coach is the cashier at the liquor store.
I have Beer.
I really can’t kick ass, but I’m super good at taking names!
There was a spider in my bathtub so I got a tissue and very carefully burned the house down.
Ways to die: Steal my food.
Tell a girl she pretty she`ll believe it for a minute. Tell a girl she has Miley Cyrus` butt she`ll believe it for a lifetime
The hardest part about a Zombie Apocalypse is pretending I’m not excited.
I have a lot on my plate right now. Not busy, just hungry.
If the shoe fits, shove it further up their a$$
If idiots could fly this place would be an airport.
They say do what you love & the money will follow. I love doing nothing. We`ll see.