Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m not sure what my spirit animal is, but I`m sure it has Rabies.
I asked my mom for money and she said "Does it look like I am made of money?" I said "Well isn`t that what M.O.M stands for?"
This lasagna recipe has been handed down in my family for generations in the hopes that someone would eventually make it.
When you’re old, my kids will be in charge. I’m so, so sorry.
Why do people have to get ready for bed? I`m always ready for bed.
When one door closes, another opens ... I had a Chevette that was like that.
No thanks, cardio, this pot of coffee will get my heart rate up just fine
If you want to see exactly how angry a person can get, tell them to "calm down" when they`re already pissed off.
The well behaved rarely make history.
"If Donald Duck doesn`t have to wear pants than neither do I!"- Me getting drunk at Disney World.
Serving sarcasm with a smile since 1984.
I always drink responsibility I make sure that someone is responsible for buying me drinks.
Ever noticed that `beer can` in a british accent sounds exactly like `bacon` in a jamaican accent?
wishes that more people would declare thumb wars these days. I`m sure that all this texting has prepared my thumb muscles for battle.
Trying to master the art of eating a powdered donut without looking like I just left Charlie Sheen`s house.