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Ahhh another Monday at work...... I`m having as much fun as a colorblind person playing Twister!
My neighbor`s are going out of town for the weekend so I finally have the house to myself.
This nude beach would be great!...if I wasn`t the only one participating.
The joy of finding out that your boss is going on a holiday is way greater than you yourself going on one
I get a little nervous eating cucumber in a single woman`s home.
So how old does a highway have to be before you tell him he`s adopted?
Without facebook: more sleep, less drama, and a life!
Be careful on how tough you are on your kids....Strict parents create sneaky children.
Every member of my family is polite & courteous which I why our pantry has 17 boxes of cookies that contain exactly one remaining cookie
When I first went on the pill, I put on some weight. Which proved to be a very effective contraceptive.
Happy Birthday to someone I would donate some non-essential organs to, and the fact that a Facebook reminder told me it was your birthday doesn´t make it any less special. Plus I live so far away that your birthday requires almost no effort on my part. And sorry I tried to kill you all those times when we were
Quick question, ladies: If you shave your eyebrows off and then draw them back on, what the hell are you doing?
Imagine coming home from a long vacation and finding your bathroom towels are wet from just being used. I can do that to your ex if you want.
Be nice to a nerd. Prevent a supervillain.
Baby Polar Bear: Mommy, am I really a Polar Bear? Mother: Of course you are. Why? Baby Polar Bear: `Cause I`m fukcing freezing!"