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Society has put an unnecessary amount of effort into the advancement of yogurt.
People who are about to tell you something then say "never mind" are the reason why I sometimes admire serial killers
I put my phone on airplane mode, and it dragged me out of my seat.
I often fantasize about lying naked in bed, surrounded by various bags of chips and I have octopus arms so I can eat all the chips at once.
Do you know who invented the Knock Knock joke? I don`t know either, but whoever did should get a no bell prize.
Bending over ... preparing to do my taxes.
You are intriguing. You require further stalking, sorry I mean investigation.
The only difference between doggy style and reverse cowgirl is who wants to watch the TV more.
Stop saying I`m hard to shop for. Surely you know where the liquor store is
Every-time I walk over a sewer grate I look down into it hoping to catch a glimpse of a Ninja Turtle
Boss just announced she is leaving early. What a coincidence. So am I.
You`ll all be sorry when I figure out how to breathe fire.
The problem in general terms is that people suck.
Requesting a table in the “Hot Waitress” section should be socially acceptable.
The exam hall is the only place on the earth where everyone is desperate for teamwork..