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Its weird that goldfish will eat other goldfish but wont eat goldfish crackers. Life sure is complicated sometimes.
So I just saw a donkey crossing the road. The cool thing was he looked both ways before crossing. What a smart a$$.
The lyrics for "hush little baby" are basically saying "I will buy you anything if you just shut the hell up"
Imagine, for a moment, what you could accomplish if you had the persistence and drive of the Adobe Acrobat Reader updater.
Every time a clerk asks "Did you find everything you need?" I always answer "No, I couldn`t find a hug"
Ways to die: Steal my food.
I have a moderate amount of skills in life, but one of those things does NOT include the ability to stop eating.
? Single ? Taken ? Depends on who`s asking.
I may hate waiting. But I love procastinating.
Iām tired of chasing my dreams, I`m just going to ask them where their going and meet them there later.
I give movies with 2 stars a 5 on Netflix because if I sat through this piece of sh!t, I want you to as well.
Call me old fashioned but I prefer women with eyebrows made out of hair.
It`s always darkest before the dawn. So if you`re going steal your neighbor`s newspaper that`s be the time to do it.
NASA has confirmed that December 21, late afternoon, the sky will be very dark. It is an interesting phenomenon called "night".
A model citizen is just like a regular citizen that doesn`t eat.