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I made a bucket list for when I kick the bucket. Number one: Wear shoes! Ever tried kicking a metal bucket without shoes? Hurt like hell.
79% of accidents happen in the home....... Finally, good news for the homeless
I keep forgetting how bad my memory has become..
I bet anyone who`s had to fight a bear has snuck at least one hug in
Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug
Must you really ask why I have my selfie on top of my Christmas tree?
I`m hearing voices again. Probably because my window is open and there are people outside talking, but still.
I wished I loved anything as much as white people love saying "gracias" at Mexican restaurants.
I`m done with tucking in shirts. Too many people complaining I`m invading their "personal space." LOL
Ghetto word of the day: "Bishop", My girlfriend fell down, So I picked that bishop.
When women say “It’s not what’s on the outside, it’s what’s on the inside that counts”, we all know they are talking about a Man’s wallets.
Life is short, Smile while you still have teeth.
*sigh* the cop at the front door is never a stripper when you need it to be
Pizza is like sex, when it is good it`s very good, When it`s bad...it`s still pretty good.
After watching "Breaking Bad" and the VMAs in the same night, I think I`d rather my kid be a meth dealer than a musician.