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So glad my face doesn’t have a progress bar that shows how much I’m understanding what other people are saying.
To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present, they are due back at the library today.
Which emoticon indicates the desire to cover someone with fire ants?
Is there a phobia for leaving the house when your phone isn`t fully charged? There should be.
I have a million dollar idea that I will share with the first million people to send me a dollar.......
Long busy day, I need one of those hugs that turns into sex.
It doesn’t matter how many signs I put up around the office, HR said high five a co-worker in the face with a shovel day isn’t a thing.
I`m sexy and I know it really is....... your slutty and you blow it.
It’s amazing how everyone cries for free speech until someone says something that they don’t like.
I can catch a speeding bullet- only once.
Nobody talk to me until I`ve Instagrammed my coffee.
I don’t know how your day is going, but I just got lucky on the couch! Yep, I found a dollar!
The phrase "the truth shall set you free" does not apply to murder.
"it`s the thought that counts" doesn`t include showering. You have to actually do that.
My facebook has been rated PG for Poor Guy