Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When I said make yourself at home, I meant go wash my dishes.
Never sit down in front of the computer while having breakfast because when you get up it’ll be dinner time.
When I`m home alone, every noise I hear is a serial killer
I can totally relate to cranky elderly people. I mean you can only be nice for so long!
Say what you will about women but I think being able to turn one sentence into a six hour argument takes talent.
My husband told me that he would leave me if I didn`t give up all my bad habbits.....I nearly choked on my toe nail!
Fun Fact: Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, meatless years.
I`m the type of person that would thrive in solitary confinement.
When someone shows you they don`t want to be a part of your life, let them go. I`m not saying you can`t make a voodoo doll of them, though.
I changed siri to a male voice and now my car keeps taking me to strip clubs and auto parts stores
Idiots are fun, no wonder every village wants one.
If you need Facebook to remind you it`s your wife`s birthday, I hope you own a comfortable couch.
I`ve had this ant farm for a year now and these lazy bastards still haven`t grown any crops.
My number was 0...
If my ceiling fan could hold my weight, I would never be bored again.