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life is like a bed of roses just got to whatch out for the pricks
Every morning, I jog around my block 15 times. Then I pick the block up and put it back in my toy chest..
I just became a professional Counterfeiter, I even have the certificates to prove it.
I`m single by choice. Not MY choice. But it`s still a choice
When I`m really bored at work I like to write "I`m watching you" on the toilet paper a few squares in just to mess with people.
I overheard this guy bragging about his fancy hotel sweet. Ptttsht. They are nothing but cheap a$$ mints!
I wish computer companies would design a keyboard with a removable crumb tray, kinda like my toaster.
Neighbors just kicked me out of their shower and called the cops. Some of these pokemon go instructions are confusing. A lot of grey area...
I was fighting with this guy over who`s lazier. I let him win.
I go from "Hard to get" to "Hard to get rid of" in 6 beers flat.
You really are the cat`s pajamas, and by that I mean you`re a stupid idea.
I thinking about how im disgusted by holding a gas pump but yet, I have no problem drinking my beer from a cup that ten other people drank out of, and a backwash covered ping pong ball was just thrown into it after hitting a dirty a$$ garage floor??
Ladies, don`t date him just because his dad has a yacht. Date the dad.
All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific.
Facebook is the reason why my work is not done.