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If you think you aren`t creative, buy a gym membership and see how many excuses you find not to use it.
When you called me a b*tch, did you mean it as an insult or a compliment?
Doctors and scientists agree on the benefits of an afternoon nap, yet still my boss thinks he knows better. Ridiculous.
Superman and Batman probably had a lot of "capes in the toilet water" accidents when they went to take a dump.
I don`t know how many girls it takes to change a light bulb, but I guarantee we`d post pictures of us doing it on Facebook.
My roommate is on a date and said he`s convinced she`s coming home with him tonight. I`ve covered his room in Justin Bieber posters. Now we wait.
Must be my day for Mis-Advertizing --- I just ate a Bowl of Cheerios ----- and they DIDN`T make me Happy!!!! FML!!! :-P
Haters gonna hate, your honor
Fitbits are just like Tamagotchis, except the stupid little creature you have to keep alive is yourself.
Someone`s gotta break it to people under 25 that cameras can also point away from themselves.
2015 and still no thieves interested in my identity.
If looks could kill, mirrors would be the leading cause of death among ugly people
Facebook becomes 100 times more entertaining when you have work to do.
Adulthood is basically sadness and paying bills.
“Nothing is impossible.” I disagree. I’m doing nothing right now… it’s totally possible.