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I consider anything that doesn`t fit in the dishwasher to be for one time use.
Why can’t the shower just naturally keep itself clean?
Imagine how freaked out the first human must of been on the first sneeze.
Sometimes I get shivers in my spine just thinking about how much tougher Popeye would`ve been if he`d eaten fresh spinach instead of canned.
Guess what I saw today? Everything I looked at.
If your talking behind my back then guess what? Your in a pretty good position to kiss my a$$!!!!
Bad things happen to good people, so I`m pretty sure we`re all safe
I will give you unconditional love as soon as you meet my list of demands.
My New Years Resolution is to be more positive and less sarcastic...I wonder how long this bull$hit fantasy will last.
The tragedy of Scooby-Doo is that whoever kept supplying criminals with such realistic prosthetic masks was never caught.
I haven`t lost all of my marbles but there is definitely a hole in the bag.
I`m afraid if I start working out, I`ll be too sexy
Jesus, take the wheel. Carlos, you take the stereo & I`ll take lookout.
I decided to bury the hatchet with that neighbor I never got along with. After all, it is the murder weapon.
Pizza is like sex, when it is good it`s very good, When it`s bad...it`s still pretty good.