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There are no winners the day following a green beer, corned beef, and cabbage binge.
I`m trying to live healthier......but I`m considering taking up cigars, since they`re still the coolest way to light dynamite fuses.
Birthdays back then: Wow! Look at all these presents!. Birthdays now : Wow damn look at all these notifications!.
My taste in music ranges from, "You need to listen to this" to "I know, please don`t judge me."
When will vegeterians stop eating my food`s food??
Heard Justin Bieber got arrested for drag racing. Sure it`s dangerous, but surely it isn`t against the law to run in high heels...
If I drop my food on a plane, and we change time zones at the same time, do I receive an additional hour to the 5 second rule?
I bet when Cheetahs race and one of them cheats, the other one goes, “Man, you’re such a Cheetah!” and they laugh & eat a zebra or whatever.
Is it bad when I´m talking to myself and I´m not even listening?
I`m thinking about remodeling my bathroom and thanks to all your selfies I`m getting some great ideas!!.....
I don’t just act crazy, I’ll drive you there too.
Sometimes in the morning while drinking my coffee, I think about all the people I will be pissing off.
Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it’s a beautiful day.
Today somebody called me a model! Well they said "poster boy for birth control", but I knew what they meant.
I think abs are for guys that don`t have the confidence to wear a nice T-shirt to the pool.