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Easy baked macaroni and cheese recipe: Boil macaroni in water.... follow the rest of the instructions on box. TADA!
Oh, he uses you for sex? Stop bitching…Sex is awesome. Complain when he’s using you for laundry….. or a human shield.
I hardly know you…. but, Facebook says it’s your birthday, so happy birthday!
"Polar bears can`t jump." - Black bears
The only thing worse than having it rain after you wash your car is have to poop as soon as you get out of the shower.
Teamwork means never having to take all the blame yourself.
If the plan is “drink beer now, figure out life later” then yes, everything is going according to plan.
a walk in the woods helps me to relax and release tension the fact that I`m dragging a body behind me should be irrelevant.
Silence is Golden, unless you`re married.. Then Silence is Suspicious.
10 Easy Steps to Learn Binary: 1) There are 1`s and 0`s 10) There are no 2`s
This ramen noodle and vienna sausage dinner taste exactly like I made the wrong career choice :(
The only stock options I have are chicken and beef.
Every morning I swallow a piece of paper that says "Keep up the good work fellas!!" just in case I die and the doctors have to do an autopsy on me
There are no words to describe how I feel about you... Good thing God invented the middle finger.
That`s it!! I`m never drinking again until tomorrow.