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I bet Waldo’s parents are worried sick.
I just awesomed all over the place.
Saying “sounds good” is probably the nicest way to abruptly end a conversation.
I thought about cleaning my room this weekend but didn`t do it. Then I remembered its the thought that counts so I feel better now
Never give up on your dreams, keep sleeping.
Note to Self: In future interviews, don`t say "Safe in your strong arms" when the employer asks where I see myself in 5 years.
Some people just bring out the psycho in me
I think you people lied to me...exactly how much of this hair of the dog do I have to eat before this hangover goes away?
I’m home alone. Time to start my concert.
Don`t ask me for childcare advice unless you want nuggets of wisdom like "always punch holes in the box so they can breathe."
Any way you can speed this up, officer? I`m obviously in a hurry.
My wife told me to strive for perfection, so I divorced her and started dating a swimsuit model.
I want to live in a world where it’s never too late for breakfast food and never too early for pizza.
At least a stalker is there for you.
I saw some ducks practicing their teenage girl faces at the pond today.