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Sorry I liked your status, I was cleaning my phone.
Ladies, if he calls you crazy, don`t get upset. Crazy girls are better in bed so take it as a compliment. But stab him, just in case...
I`ve said it before and I`ll say it again, if you drive a Nissan but don`t call it Liam then what is even the point of you
Where there`s a will I want to be in it
Men think they have it bad, but they`re not the ones having to hold their boobs when they run.
If we aren`t meant to have late night snacks, why is there a light in the fridge??
The pharmacist asked me my birthday again today. Pretty sure she’s going to get me something.
Apparently some strangers don’t need a hug.
If you don`t have anything nice to say, put it all on social networks
Pay no attention to the device around my ankle.
It`s not karma, you`re just an idiot.
I just kicked a can in my driveway and somehow ended up with a goal against Brazil.
Sometimes the problem with reality is the lack of background music.
what do you mean booze ain`t food!?
Wouldn`t ventriloquists be a lot cooler if they could throw their farts?