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My brother took going to jail really badly. He refused food, drinks. He spat and swore at anyone who came near him and started throwing things everywhere. After that we NEVER played monopoly again.
When we catch the people who kill elephants & rhinos, can we pull all their teeth first?
I have an awesome idea, but first I`ll need a zebra, bungee cords, jello, and a partner in crime. Any takers?
It may look like I`m doing nothing, but I`m actively waiting for my problems to go away.
Weird that we don`t see more pants on fire
"But why?" - Me at weddings
If someone asks for advice, just tell em to follow their heart. No idea what that sh!t means but at least they`re not talking to you anymore.
Sorry I said "at least it`s healthy" when you asked me how cute your baby was.
Some people think I`m quiet, others wish I was.
I will be good today... I will be good today... I will be good today... Yeah.... I didn`t believe it either..
is a reasonably intelligent person who does moderately stupid things on a semi-regular basis.
The phrase "the truth shall set you free" does not apply to murder.
I get butterflies in my stomach every time I eat butterflies.
No one in my entire life has believed in me more than the waiter who gave me a single napkin to use while eating my lunch yesterday.
Friends are like boobs. Some are real, some are fake