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DUI attorneys should buy some ad space on those Taco Bell hot sauce packets.
When it comes to bug protection, you just can`t beat "OFF!".
Why fart and waste it, when you can burp and taste it
Boss: You`re on another break already? Me: No. This is the same one you saw me on an hour ago.
How do amish girls know if its a romantic candle lit dinner or just a regular candle lit dinner.
Therapy helps ... but screaming obscenities is faster and cheaper!
Its funny how your friends change , Meet new people and forget about you . :( But just know i`ll still be in your heart?
My brain is about as well organized as the Walmart $5 dvd bin.
Now that I`m turning 40, I need to be careful about what I eat and drink and make sure I am getting my nutrients. That is why I just added pulp-free Orange Juice to my Vodka.
Swans mate for life...in case you were wondering what made them so mean.
In order to get my teenagers attention I shut off the WiFi router and wait for them in the room it`s in.
It`s so hard being a single mom when you have no kids and are a male teenager.
The only benefit of getting new clothes for Christmas is that I don`t have to do laundry for another week or two.
I`m not perfect. But I am better than you.
I call in sick on full moons just to make them wonder.