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I`ll never understand those people who say, "I mainly use facebook for my family." And I`m thinking to myself..."Umm...isn`t that what real life is for?"
“Hangover” makes it sounds like it’s all done now. I’d like to propose the term “hanghappening”.
Memories of you make me look forward to alzheimers.
I bet some of you would absolutely kill it in a race where you had to jump over obstacles while looking at your phone.
!f yhu T@k yk d!$, then dont talk to me.
My son just accused me of making stuff up. I wouldn`t mind but I don`t even have any children!
Just Failed my Health and Saftey Test.The question was,"What steps would u take,in case of a fire?!"Big f*cking ones"was the wrong answer.
With the rise of self-driving vehicles, eventually there will be a country song about how your truck left you too.
If you guys could read my mind! It would be all like; " "
I chose the wrong fork in the road, took the road less travelled and got off the beaten path and now I don`t know where the hell I am.
I`m giving up abbreviations for Lent. Laugh Out Loud
I can almost always tell if a movie doesn`t use Real dinosaurs.
You should never answer your phone during sex, particularly if it`s your wife calling.
can´t find Sesame Street on my GPS. Can you tell me how to get there?
When I think of all the money I`ve spent on booze in my life, I wish I had it all back. Imagine all the booze I could buy!