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I wish the "Do not ask me again" option existed in real life.
Thought I saw a kangeroo today turned out to be a greyhound taking a dump !
Apparently the drunk guy at the urinal next to me is under the impression that I was stung in the leg by a jellyfish.
You know you watch too much porn when you go to a hospital expecting a threesome.
Doing some caroling! All by myself. In people`s backyards. In the bushes. Very little singing. Mostly watching. -Bfanch
pudding... thats always a funny word
Just quit my job so I can spend more quality time giving out candy crush extra lives.
Just about the time I started to give a crap, my attitude became constipated......
If I`m in your house and you have bookshelves... Be prepared to see me turning statues and bending down books while looking for your lair.
Honestly, I’ver never see anyone fall because of a banana.
There are 2 types of people in this world, those who press “door close” in the elevator before others can jump on & those who are liars.
I`m beginning to think that my destiny in life is just to be a bad example that other people can learn from.
Me? Stalk? No, I just observe... behind a tree... at night…in the rain.
Sometimes people don`t notice or appreciate the things we do for them, until we stop doing it. Then they are like, “Why don’t you stalk me anymore”
If whores, witches, ghosts and hobo`s show up on my doorstep, I can only assume it`s Halloween because our family reunion was in July....