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liked homework better when it was called coloring.
"I can`t wait to nail you later" *whispers to the new picture I just bought*
Research shows that, when someone shouts "Oh no he didn`t!" ... He in fact did.
Went for a mile run today. Stupid Ice Cream Man just kept driving even though I was waving my money in the air!
Just spent 20 minutes on the treadmill without breaking into a sweat......tomorrow I might even switch it on!
Woke up to my teen cleaning the house for "no reason" and now I have a mystery to solve.
If you people knew how expensive, time consuming and hard this stalking stuff is you wouldn`t freak out every time you see me in your bushes.....geesh
My wife told me to get a real job or pack my bags! She must be losing it! Who threatens someone with a vacation?
Fashion is what you call hideous clothes that are really expensive
Lawns: You cut them, then water them so they grow just so you can cut them again. This does not make sense.
I was asked what I would give the woman who has everything... Well, my phone number for a start.
Someone tore off my warning label when I was born.
Buying someone flowers is kind of a weird idea. Like: Hey, these are for you, now watch them slowly die, because I love you.
Are you really sorry or are you just Charlie Sheen sorry?
Never underestimate the power of cleavage.