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I`m thinking of changing my voicemail to the following: "If you have reached this recording, please hang up and text me."
The larger the implants, the more likely she’ll be confused by a push/pull door.
I order all my food with extra gluten.
RAIN!!!! :) I guess my rain dances must have worked. Some people call it stumbling around... I call it rain dancing.
I’m pretty busy today, so if you could just go ahead and offend yourself for me that would be great. Thanks!
I bought a box of "SO CALLED" Hot Pockets --- brought them home, and opened one to eat it, and the Damned thing was FROZEN ----- Miis-Advertizing at it`s BEST!!! Now what do I do with the Damned thing???? :-P
I dreamed about you last night, and so you know; Shame on you!!
Some people should use a glue stick for lip balm
The nighttime, sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy head, fever so I can rest medicine didn´t work. I´m going to try 1 bourbon, 1 scotch and 1 beer instead.
Nothing says lazy like laying on the couch making today`s responsibilities tomorrow`s problem.
This woman just flipped me off and I couldn`t agree more.
Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves at the same time he does.
Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
I am NOT high maintenance, I simply have more preferences than most.
Me: You`re the prettiest girl I`ve ever seen. Her: You just want to have sex with me. Me: And you`re smart too, I like that.