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My wife started clipping coupons to help save money. She keeps them in the side pocket of her $800 purse.
Remember, You’re only young once, but you can be immature forever.
Do NOT accept friend requests from Hormel Foods, it could be spam...
The only human interaction I want for the rest of the day is the exchange of money between me and the liquor store cashier
When a cop asks you, "Do you know why I pulled you over?" It is never a good idea to respond, "Because my tires look like donuts?"
If you don`t know me by now....I`m a really good stalker.
Im afraid to go outside or even sit next to a window during an lightening storm. Im afraid that I`ll get zapped! I`m scared that God is gonna get me!!!
After the expiration date on poison, is it more potent or less potent?
You made several good points, and I understand that you are right, but the way you said it was so douchey I have to take an opposite stance.
Word for today: Dipshidiot
Sitting in traffic like the non-helicopter owning loser that I am.
My Tupperware lids and single socks are chilling somewhere laughing at me.
A good friend will bail you out of jail. A great friend will be handcuffed next to you saying that was fun
Social Media: Because I like to socialize with cool people without having to speak, wear pants or get off the couch.
Hey you! Yea you ... Don`t just pass by my status and not say hi.