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Somehow, we`ve got to find a way to STOP the driver of that bus that everyone keeps getting thrown under.
Women are always complaining that men are messy by leaving clothes layin around…..That’s because women take up all the closets
When you go to buy fire insurance for your house, don`t tell them you need it by a certain date.
If they put beer in CapriSun pouches I could fit a lot more in my cooler. Just thought I`d throw that out there, people who invent sh!t.
One time I snuck a whole rotisserie chicken into a movie, cause candy is for amateurs.
Zombies and I have a lot in common; we both walk around aimlessly looking for something to eat.
I scratch my a$$ way to much to chew my fingernails...
What is an Amish girls favourite fantasy? Two Mennonite
During my prostate exam I asked the doctor, "where should I put my pants"? "Over there by mine", was not the answer I was expecting.
I wish I loved anything as much as rappers love female dogs and gardening tools.
I finally got some medication for my Attention Deficit Disorder. Now if I could just remember the name of it and where I left it at.
Facebook is not so bad once you block your family and friends.
The problem with you is ... you exist.
When it gets nice out I`m going to have a roof party and after that`s done have a painting party inside, come all
I’m jealous of a book character for having sex with another character but sure come ask my advice about your marriage.