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My RSVP : I`ll be attending your wedding alone but consuming enough cake and alcohol for at least two.
Wanted: Magic hat for a snowman
“Have you tried just drinking ALOT of vodka?”- me as a therapist
Life isn`t a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, chances are you are going to walk home barefoot.
Men are like cheap dishes - easily broken & completely replaceable!
White girls be like: I`ll have one triple mocha dark chocolate ugg boot raspberry white iphone 5 double caramel infinity sign frappe please.
"You have the right to remain silent so as not to incriminate yourself" -- 5th Amendment, understood by nobody on Facebook.
I don’t know what my neighbor’s name is and we’ve been neighbors too long for me to ask.
Only toilet paper deals with more a$$holes than I do.
Every time someone says "Have a nice day!", I yell "DON`T F**KING TELL ME WHAT TO DO!"
When the only light in your world is suddenly gone …it’s time to recharge your phone.
Wow....turns out I`m NOT a Ninja. That really hurt.
When I was little I didn`t care about things like what to wear, my parents dressed me. Looking back at some of my old pictures, it`s obvious that my parents didn`t care either.
I had a very confident breakdown today. ...Wasn`t nervous at all. ;)
Dear small line of dirt that wont go in the dustpan… Screw you.