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Meanwhile, Somewhere farther down on your timeline, your aunt just posted the "Footprints" poem on your wall again.
I have a great relationship with Alcohol..
People that use statistics in everyday arguments are a$$holes 100% of the time.
I don`t smoke,i don`t drink,don`t do drugs. I only have one small problem, i lie.
Hump Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sure, Men love funny women. As long as they are pretty...and skinny...and they have a great pair of knockers!!
My wife is pissed at me again...appearently I am breathing wrong.
My boss hates it when I shorten his name to Dick. Especially since his name is Mike.
There are 364 days till Christmas and people already have their Christmas lights up. Unbelievable.
It`s a lot easier to chuck a co-worker in the dumpster than it is to listen to his problems.
When I see a girl with too much makeup, I just want to use my finger to write "Wash Me" on her face.
If money grew on trees, Congress would actually care about the environment.
When people ask me for advice, I tell them, “Use your best judgment,” which they clearly don’t have if they are asking me for advice.
Never change. Unless you’re an a$$hole. Then you should probably change a little.
Ever notice how it`s never your successful friends posting inspirational quotes?