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Before I wash my socks, I just throw one in the trash.
I`m not as smart as I used to be but then again you can`t stay a teenager all of your life.
Highway to Hell is a great song because you can play it at both your wedding and your funeral.
I`m not the type of person you should put on speaker phone
The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains is great news for stupid people.
Hurricanes, Fires,Tiger running loose ... Whoever is playing Jumanji needs to wrap it up
is having some serious PMS: Parked Motorcycle Syndrome!
I can`t tell if I`m really nice but secretly an a$$hole or an a$$hole but secretly really nice.
Seems like I can`t go anywhere in my house without somebody recognizing me.
If you can´t convince them, confuse them.
According to WebMD, MedicineNet, Healthline, Mayo Clinic, Symptom Checker, NetDoctor, MedlinePlus, Johns Hopkins and InfoMedNet, I`m OCD.
No one thinks the screenshot of your text messages are as funny as you do. No one.
The most frightening thing about nightmares is realizing that they were created by your mind.
Rump roast is called rump roast because nobody would eat it if it was called cow`s ass
Everyone wants their kid to learn to walk until exactly 30 seconds after their kid learns to walk.