Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sometimes you run into people who change your life forever ... Bartenders, they are called bartenders.
I wish more people were fluent in silence.
I’ve robbed banks before and they’re never getting their pens back.
My trust issues began when there was no donkey in Donkey Kong.
Do you know how many poisonous apples I`d have to give out before I was considered to be the fairest in the land?
If I throw a stick will you leave?
I laughed more at the Broncos offense then I did at the commercials.
Teacher: what comes after 69. Little Johnny: Mouthwash. Teacher: Get out!!!
Apparently "whiskey and wild women" is not an acceptable answer when asked what your weaknesses are during a job interview.
Drunk me absolutely loves creating awkward encounters for sober me.
Immature is just a word boring people use to describe fun people.
I have finally conquered my annoying habit of repeatedly pressing the snooze button every morning by programming my alarm clock to play lullabies!
Years ago I asked out the girl of my dreams. Today I asked her to marry me ... She said no both times
Drop it! Please, just DROP IT. - My dog, whenever I`m eating.
Me: I only smoke weed because of Cancer. Mom: You don`t have Cancer! Me: So it`s working...